It’s now a few days short of 6 weeks post-surgery and I finally went out with friends. And, since it was St. Patrick’s Day, I pulled out a top that has some green in it. Well, after I put the top on, I went ding-ding-ding in my head and remembered that I wore the same top to a St. Patrick’s Day party previously and had taken a quick selfie before going out. Soooooo, perfect opportunity to do a Then And Now to gain a little perspective into the changes that I’ve gone through. Putting the two pictures together, it’s easy for me to see the much more defined neckline and the overall slimming. Back in 2015, I was at least 40lbs heavier (actually probably closer to 50lbs) and of course it was pre-facelift.
I still have more recovery to go. But, the external changes are definitely noticeable. What you don’t see, however, is the internal change that has taken place.
So, let me give you a little insight into the internal changes. For the better part of my life, I have struggled with my weight. I say struggled because when I was heavier, I was not happy inside. Sure, I could smile and laugh because that’s what was expected of me. But the uncomfortable looks or comments made in passing – whether directed at someone else or at me – or even suggestions of improvement from strangers, friends or family have all had an impact on me. And, while some might have been well-intentioned, these things probably did more harm than good because I would hurt inside and then of course I would go to food for comfort. And, I’m quite sure I am not the only person who reacts in this way.
I am the type of person who needs to do things on my own time and in my own way. In the past, I would go through “self-improvement” for others. Heck, most of what I did was with others in mind. But I would always eventually go back to my place of comfort. Fast forward to now. As I grow older, I am now becoming more of an internally-aware person. And with that, I realize that it doesn’t do me any good to hold onto anything that does not bring me joy – and yes, that includes weight.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a thing when it comes to my life journey because every step in my life has brought me closer to where I am now. If I hadn’t gone through the good or the bad then I would be a different person. And I like me. I believe that my level of empathy for others is so much greater because I have gone through so much and can relate to so many others on a deeper level as a result. I am the best version of myself that I can be in this place and time – always have been and always will be. Some would ask, “Sue, but what about the mistakes you’ve made? Would you still make them?” And, my response to that is everything – the good and the not so good – has brought me to where I am. So, yes I would. If you’re familiar with the wonderful artist, Bob Ross, he says that we don’t make mistakes, we make happy accidents. And, that’s a great way to look at the things that some might call mistakes. Kind of takes the sting out of it and puts a more positive spin on it.
We all have our own journey in life and many of us proceed on our journey with a pebble in our shoe. Sometimes the pebble can be painful, and other times it is just there. Either way, that pebble can build character and develop empathy, both of which often make us a much better version of ourselves. So, here I am now. Doing what works for me right at this moment. I hope that this little rambling of thought has helped someone, anyone, to better understand how the external can affect the internal, and vice versa. As I said before, I am the best version of myself that I can be in this place and time – always have been and always will be. And I’m totally cool with that! 🙂
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